Family Boundaries, Holidays, And Your Peace
Boundaries have become a trending topic in mental health and wellness communities. It is often discussed how necessary it is to have boundaries and how to establish healthy boundaries. I want to take it a step further and encourage you to look at the boundaries that your family of origin displays. Family of origin impacts our earliest relational formations and creates our original framework for what is “normal” in relationships. As you become independent you will begin to make changes to parts of the original framework that are not helpful. The holidays can be challenging for people who are attempting to make personal changes. Preparing to enter into a season where you might be around parents, siblings, grandparents, and other family members can be stressful causing some to revert to previous ways of thinking and seeking connection.
You don’t only have to know your boundaries, but the boundaries you grew from. The more aware and prepared you are for the dynamics you are walking into the better you can care for what you want to keep safe and sane over the holidays. Some family members will pressure you for more time together, some will ask intrusive questions or give unhelpful opinions. Some family will lack physical boundaries that can be triggering, some family members might project their anxiety and look to you for soothing, some will struggle to be validating, and some might overuse substances you are not comfortable with. When you know your family boundary patterns you can create plans to help you manage this season in one piece, with some peace. Family of origin boundaries do not need to be passed down for you to repeat if you are uncomfortable with them. When that family member tries to guilt you into spending more time, know that might work for everyone else, but nothing is wrong with you protecting your time. If some family members invalidate your need for physical boundaries it is okay to have different comfort and safety levels than other family members. Nothing is wrong with you for trying to feel safe and regulated.
To notice your family boundaries start by asking yourself:
Do other family members participate in this behavior?
Is this cycle normalized or rewarded by others in our family?
Is everyone comfortable with this behavior/cycle?
How long has this cycle gone on?
Is this cycle overall helpful or unhelpful?
Do I want to participate in this boundary pattern?
#family #holidays #holidaystress #familyoforigin #stress #anxiety
