Boundaries and Manipulation

Our relationship is meant to be a safe space for both partners, when one partner struggles with respecting the other partner’s thoughts, needs, and desires it might be good to assess the level of healthy boundaries and manipulation in the relationship. Having poor boundaries and manipulative traits can go hand in hand. If your partner struggles to respect your boundaries then they also have poor boundaries. Let's talk about what these words mean.

What is manipulation? Manipulation is the act of trying to control someone's thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Manipulator’s crave control and influence over others. Manipulation can occur in covert or overt ways. Some manipulators are more aggressive and some are more subtle. When manipulation occurs aggressively we tend to feel more on edge around the manipulator. When manipulation is subtle or discrete then we tend to think their influence is more trustworthy.

What are boundaries? Boundaries are physical, emotional, and mental limits that show others how they can treat us and interact with us. For example, in a relationship, if you are frequently ignoring your feelings to give in to your partner then you probably have trouble setting boundaries. If your partner is manipulative then they are unable to respect the boundaries you try to put in place.

Why do we need healthy boundaries? We need healthy boundaries to protect our physical, emotional, and mental needs. When we struggle to build healthy boundaries in relationships it can cause anxiety, stress, and discomfort. When your boundaries are frequently ignored then your relationship is showing a red flag. If you are good at putting boundaries in place, but can't seem to listen to other’s boundaries then you have unhealthy boundaries. Boundaries are equal parts implementing and following.

What I mean by that is, if your partner struggles to respect your boundaries then they also have poor boundaries.

Some questions to ask yourself about boundaries in your relationship

Can you say “no” to your partner? Do you feel comfortable saying “no”?

Does your partner allow you to have different emotions or opinions that they have?

Does your partner blame you for the negative feelings they have?

Does your partner ignore how you feel or your requests?

Does your partner ignore your needs to get their way?

Now, ask yourself if you do any of these things to your partner.

More information can be found at joinonelove.org